em, all i know is that i've heard a dozen thousand times that i have to do things for myself, the things that make me happy. and, i have to say, discovering that that isn't selfish, that doing things for me is more than okay, it's healthy... has been hard. so i hear what everyone's saying, and i concur.

but i also say: easier said than done. i'm just like you, i cry and get "hysterical" because -- and this is just my reasons for doing so -- i'm fucking terrified for being alone, and the implications of that. you could be and probably are entirely different, but... you have to be sure and confident of your decision when/if you tell him you're leaving. tell him in an email, in a phone message, in a note left on the kitchen table -- do whatever's easiest and safest for you.

we love you. i love you. and i miss you.