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6:29 Thursday, EDT
So, you know, all sorts of people are missing. I mean, like, friends of my father. Friends of the family friends we had dinner with last night. My sister's friend's father's business partner. My neighbor's son-in-law. The guys who designed the movie theatre in the town next to me. Cousins of friends, friends of cousins. Some "tall girl" my sister knew who worked at Borders. My friend's aunt's boss. you know, vague sort of tangential people -- but the universe around me and my family is now smaller by 4,000.
Lizzie said, "Nora and I decided we need to do this without any more loss of life." I said, "I agree." She said, "what do you mean, yesterday you wanted to bomb the crap out of everyone." I said, "I changed my mind." I mean, I don't know if I'm done yet. changing my mind. I'm not sure I can decide that before they know if the 1/9 subway line is safe, before the bridges reopen, before we get names for those numbers and those 6,000 body bags. Before I know just how downtown I can go to get a Kate Spade knockoff.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't claim to know anything. I liked the Swarthmore editorial T posted. But I like the calls to arms too, the rushes on flag & banner stores. the rallying around the blood drives. I'm just. not ready to be cynical yet. Not ready to not accept blindly that I will be taken care of, the way Giuliani's pulling together for New York.
the same way I need to know someone's checking to see if the 1/9 line is safe, the same way I need to know they have more information on the hijackers, on the bomb threat to the Empire State Building. that these people are smarter than me. more well-informed. they've got cooler heads. because, you know, I'm a democrat, I believe in big government. A liberal but not libertarian these days, I'm ready to hand over some personal freedoms to the folks responsible for me and my well-being.
and do I hate the fact that it's this quack in office? yes yes yes yes yes, but don't make me think about that, don't make me deal with that, I'll break down. Do I trust Cheney and Condaleeza Rice? oh, don't make me deal with that, just let me believe in some blind brilliant war room full of Martin Sheen and John Spencer and like minds who are solving these problems and learning and sparing me.
at least until the bridge reopens and I don't feel tacky reading classifieds again, and I can go down to canal street for taht Kate Spade knockoff, and I can live my life. And then I'll have the luxury of being smart and being righteous and being scared. you know? I'm just too scared to deal with that now.
but the wind shifted again, and the smoke's going out to sea. So I can go downtown, if I'm not too scared to take the 4/5/6.
Stupid me.
Lizzie said, "Nora and I decided we need to do this without any more loss of life." I said, "I agree." She said, "what do you mean, yesterday you wanted to bomb the crap out of everyone." I said, "I changed my mind." I mean, I don't know if I'm done yet. changing my mind. I'm not sure I can decide that before they know if the 1/9 subway line is safe, before the bridges reopen, before we get names for those numbers and those 6,000 body bags. Before I know just how downtown I can go to get a Kate Spade knockoff.
I don't know, I don't know, I don't claim to know anything. I liked the Swarthmore editorial T posted. But I like the calls to arms too, the rushes on flag & banner stores. the rallying around the blood drives. I'm just. not ready to be cynical yet. Not ready to not accept blindly that I will be taken care of, the way Giuliani's pulling together for New York.
the same way I need to know someone's checking to see if the 1/9 line is safe, the same way I need to know they have more information on the hijackers, on the bomb threat to the Empire State Building. that these people are smarter than me. more well-informed. they've got cooler heads. because, you know, I'm a democrat, I believe in big government. A liberal but not libertarian these days, I'm ready to hand over some personal freedoms to the folks responsible for me and my well-being.
and do I hate the fact that it's this quack in office? yes yes yes yes yes, but don't make me think about that, don't make me deal with that, I'll break down. Do I trust Cheney and Condaleeza Rice? oh, don't make me deal with that, just let me believe in some blind brilliant war room full of Martin Sheen and John Spencer and like minds who are solving these problems and learning and sparing me.
at least until the bridge reopens and I don't feel tacky reading classifieds again, and I can go down to canal street for taht Kate Spade knockoff, and I can live my life. And then I'll have the luxury of being smart and being righteous and being scared. you know? I'm just too scared to deal with that now.
but the wind shifted again, and the smoke's going out to sea. So I can go downtown, if I'm not too scared to take the 4/5/6.
Stupid me.