And you know, even my above post probably used inflammatory language and made generalizations I didn't intend to. This is why in my original post I said I feared I lacked the vocabulary to be a useful voice in this conversation.

I only know what my experience has been. I listen to others talk about their experiences and I want to make them BETTER, and I feel hurt and angry at the world for being this way, but any stories from my own experience (outside fandom; I have never once had a problem within fandom; clearly I have been one of the luckier ones) are small and insignificant compared to what other people have been through. So anyway, I just feel better listening.