and sometimes even music cannot substitute for tears

[sab]

when someone you love is out there doing a hard thing valiantly, and there's nothing you can do to help, it hurts like a stone. Distilled emotions, boiled down to crystal and salt. And what's left is just that my arms aren't long enough and I always thought that if my heart got this big it would bust.

I've got an infection where the stitches were and because of aortic valve prolapse I have to call the cardiologist and make sure I'm not diseased. I've got a bandage the size of Tuesday on the side of my nose and I feel hopeless, helpless, a bruised and ugly idiot.

Because there's nothing for me to do but stare at my blank shallow eyes and this big-ass bandage, because my arms aren't long enough and this isn't about me and there's nothing, nothing I can do to help.

Like Galia in Jerusalem, shouldering an Uzi and being a normal kid.

and I fucking hate being so fucking helpless.

Comments

{{sympathy}}

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

don't know all your ins and outs, but...

wishing you healing.

B

[cofax7]

You're neither ugly nor idiotic. Just a bit battered. I assume you're on something for the infection? If not, get thee to a doctor.

Today is a day for handing out {{{hugs}}}

[qowf.livejournal.com]

You can call if you wanna. The cell because I'm on line working from home. Which means little working is going on at all, just a lot of baby staring.

All you can do is be there for them when they're done. Because then, you're needed and those hugs will be, too.

And you are not an idiot. You've had major surgery and now there's a small complication. You need to sleep a little and eat well for a bit and take the deepest breaths possible at this time.

MUCH love to you. Call the cardiologist right away. Don't fuck around with the ticker. We need it. You need it.