![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabETA: Never mind. I'm getting my money back.
I'm expecting an overnight Express Mail package with a check in it.
Me: "Hi, I was expecting a package that was Express Mail overnighted to me, guaranteed to deliver before noon; now it's 1:30; what should I do?"
Post Office: "I have no way of figuring out where that is. Are you sure it's not in your box?"
Me: "Yes, I'm sure."
Post Office: "Do you have a tracking number?"
Me: "Yes." (Gives tracking number.)
Post Office: "All I can confirm is that it arrived here at 9 this morning. I have no way of knowing where it is now. Did your carrier leave you a slip?"
Me: "No, my carrier never CAME. I waited outside for three hours."
Post Office: "Usually if they come by and you're not there they leave a slip."
Me: "I WAS there! Nobody came! Nobody left a slip!"
Post Office: "And did you look, maybe in front of a screen door or something?"
Me: "NOBODY CAME. NOBODY DROPPED OFF ANYTHING ANYWHERE! And besides, the tracking number says ARRIVED, not DELIVERED."
Post Office: "Then your carrier must still have it."
Me: "My USUAL carrier doesn't come till 5. I have to get this check to the bank BEFORE 5. That's why we got GUARANTEED NOON DELIVERY."
Post Office: "Well in that case, we usually give the express envelope to a different carrier, who's out during that time."
Me: "RIGHT, but, AGAIN, NO ONE CAME."
Post Office: "If you see the mail truck heading down the street, you can probably flag it down somewhere."
Me: "WHAT?"
Post Office: "Otherwise, leave me your phone number and I'll call you when your carrier gets back. Sometimes it takes until 3."
Me: "WHAT?"
Post Office: "It must be with your carrier. When he gets back I'll get it and call you and you can come pick it up."
Me: "So in other words, by 'guaranteed delivery' you meant neither guaranteed NOR delivered."
Post Office: "I can see you're upset, I'm just trying to make you feel better."
Me: "Of course I'm upset, this is a time-sensitive package. Don't make me FEEL better, find my mail!"
Post Office: "There's nothing else I can do for you at this time, miss. You'll just have to see if he shows up for the 3:00 delivery, otherwise I'll call you when he gets back here."
[INTERMISSION: HORRIBLE CAR PROBLEMS, another epic and miserable tale ENTIRELY]
3:00 rolls around, no phone calls. So I go ahead and call the post office.
Me: "Hi..." (Explains situation to whole new guy.)
Post Office: "And you're sure it's not in your mailbox?"
Me: "YES I AM SURE IT'S NOT IN MY MAILBOX THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
Post Office: "Then your carrier still has it."
Me: "But it was EXPRESS MAIL. It was supposed to get here by noon."
Post Office: "They have a later delivery at 3."
Me: "It's 3:04 right now."
Post Office: "Then it's probably with your carrier."
Me: "My REGULAR carrier doesn't come around till 5! That's too late for the bank! That's why I got the check overnighted! It's a THREE DAY WEEKEND coming up!"
Post Office: "Let me look into it, I'll call you right back."
That was over an hour ago.
Who do I get to kill and/or sue? WHY do the words "guaranteed by noon the next day" have no meaning? Why doesn't the post office have a... system in place to deal with these things? WHY DON'T THE MAIL CARRIERS HAVE CELL PHONES? And WHERE'S MY FUCKING ENVELOPE?
4:40, latest from the post office: "We'll have to wait till all the carriers come in to see who has it. We close at 7 and open again on Tuesday, so hopefully we'll get that for you and you can come pick it up."
Hopefully? Tuesday? Pick it up? That there is apparently what GUARANTEED OVERNIGHT DELIVERY means to the USPS. Stop using those words, post office. I do not think they mean what you think they mean. I asked for a refund, since this is now in no way guaranteed overnight delivery, and they're gonna call me back and let me know.
I'm expecting an overnight Express Mail package with a check in it.
Me: "Hi, I was expecting a package that was Express Mail overnighted to me, guaranteed to deliver before noon; now it's 1:30; what should I do?"
Post Office: "I have no way of figuring out where that is. Are you sure it's not in your box?"
Me: "Yes, I'm sure."
Post Office: "Do you have a tracking number?"
Me: "Yes." (Gives tracking number.)
Post Office: "All I can confirm is that it arrived here at 9 this morning. I have no way of knowing where it is now. Did your carrier leave you a slip?"
Me: "No, my carrier never CAME. I waited outside for three hours."
Post Office: "Usually if they come by and you're not there they leave a slip."
Me: "I WAS there! Nobody came! Nobody left a slip!"
Post Office: "And did you look, maybe in front of a screen door or something?"
Me: "NOBODY CAME. NOBODY DROPPED OFF ANYTHING ANYWHERE! And besides, the tracking number says ARRIVED, not DELIVERED."
Post Office: "Then your carrier must still have it."
Me: "My USUAL carrier doesn't come till 5. I have to get this check to the bank BEFORE 5. That's why we got GUARANTEED NOON DELIVERY."
Post Office: "Well in that case, we usually give the express envelope to a different carrier, who's out during that time."
Me: "RIGHT, but, AGAIN, NO ONE CAME."
Post Office: "If you see the mail truck heading down the street, you can probably flag it down somewhere."
Me: "WHAT?"
Post Office: "Otherwise, leave me your phone number and I'll call you when your carrier gets back. Sometimes it takes until 3."
Me: "WHAT?"
Post Office: "It must be with your carrier. When he gets back I'll get it and call you and you can come pick it up."
Me: "So in other words, by 'guaranteed delivery' you meant neither guaranteed NOR delivered."
Post Office: "I can see you're upset, I'm just trying to make you feel better."
Me: "Of course I'm upset, this is a time-sensitive package. Don't make me FEEL better, find my mail!"
Post Office: "There's nothing else I can do for you at this time, miss. You'll just have to see if he shows up for the 3:00 delivery, otherwise I'll call you when he gets back here."
[INTERMISSION: HORRIBLE CAR PROBLEMS, another epic and miserable tale ENTIRELY]
3:00 rolls around, no phone calls. So I go ahead and call the post office.
Me: "Hi..." (Explains situation to whole new guy.)
Post Office: "And you're sure it's not in your mailbox?"
Me: "YES I AM SURE IT'S NOT IN MY MAILBOX THANK YOU VERY MUCH."
Post Office: "Then your carrier still has it."
Me: "But it was EXPRESS MAIL. It was supposed to get here by noon."
Post Office: "They have a later delivery at 3."
Me: "It's 3:04 right now."
Post Office: "Then it's probably with your carrier."
Me: "My REGULAR carrier doesn't come around till 5! That's too late for the bank! That's why I got the check overnighted! It's a THREE DAY WEEKEND coming up!"
Post Office: "Let me look into it, I'll call you right back."
That was over an hour ago.
Who do I get to kill and/or sue? WHY do the words "guaranteed by noon the next day" have no meaning? Why doesn't the post office have a... system in place to deal with these things? WHY DON'T THE MAIL CARRIERS HAVE CELL PHONES? And WHERE'S MY FUCKING ENVELOPE?
4:40, latest from the post office: "We'll have to wait till all the carriers come in to see who has it. We close at 7 and open again on Tuesday, so hopefully we'll get that for you and you can come pick it up."
Hopefully? Tuesday? Pick it up? That there is apparently what GUARANTEED OVERNIGHT DELIVERY means to the USPS. Stop using those words, post office. I do not think they mean what you think they mean. I asked for a refund, since this is now in no way guaranteed overnight delivery, and they're gonna call me back and let me know.
