sab

I wasn't going to update. Because my sister found my LJ, and she said, "you know, you can talk to me too," but she said it like a threat, like she was mad, like she felt neglected. and I'm just tired of saying one more time to one more person, I'm not neglecting you, I just don't want to talk about it. catch me on a good day, and maybe. On an upswing. like now, maybe. Except without the interrogation.

And Jae said, "that would be a shame" and she was right too. Like she's been about so many things, and it's so funny. we called her Crazy Jae. turned out it was a context, not an epithet. like, I dunno, Spelunker Barbie. or War-Time Consigliere.

I slept with a Republican on saturday, after the farewell party for SNK. "in the last days before a war" or whatever. And then he wouldn't go away. I kicked him out the next day and SKL breezed into town and out again and then four hours later I went downstairs to buy water and there he was, walking down the block. And he said, "be a good host. Let me come upstairs to shave."

I'm not gonna do that again any time soon.

"I'm a bit unstable, she said with a Cheshire grin. So many cracks in my sidewalk, boy, well don't you fall in."

but Helen and I are going to write a book! and that's something. Because Giuliani said, "go back to New York, get back to your normal lives, folks" and me, here on this weird coast, without one. So we're going to write a book, and that's something.

And Henson wants me for the Farscape job again, and that's something.

"So let's break a little bread have a little laugh I haven't laughed for a while, cause it's a long road back from the womb tonight."

and I'm going to see G. next week, after I show dad the website, because he says, "I don't get this. Explain it to me." And mom laughs because it takes two of us to teach my father how to click a hyperlink.

I went to the shrink today. I got Paxil and something with a K cut out. "that sounds about right," she said.

And SNK is gone. and I just don't know what that's gonna do to me, not today, necessarily, but later, in the daytime, soon, when I want to take the L all the way out to 8th avenue. Or when I go visit my sister in Brooklyn Heights. I don't know, really.

sometimes I just want to crawl into the bathtub and lie there. Sometimes I want to yell at everyone. And I'm only drinking bottled water, but I still order coffee at restaurants, even though I know how it's brewed.