(no subject)

and also, because I was wondering when they'd show us this, because this is what it looks like across the river -- though actually it's the view down 6th avenue that scared me more -- pictures of the skyline with and without the Towers.

miami herald

this is from the Miami Herald, a really kick-ass op piece. For what it's worth:

*


We'll go forward from this moment

It's my job to have something to say.

They pay me to provide words that help make sense of that which troubles the American soul. But in this moment of airless shock when hot tears sting disbelieving eyes, the only thing I can find to say, the only words that seem to fit, must be addressed to the unknown author of this suffering.

You monster. You beast. You unspeakable bastard.

What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward's attack on our World Trade Center, our Pentagon, us? What was it you hoped we would learn? Whatever it was, please know that you failed.

Did you want us to respect your cause? You just damned your cause.

Did you want to make us fear? You just steeled our resolve.

Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together.

Let me tell you about my people. We are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, social, political and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae -- a singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse. We're wealthy, too, spoiled by the ready availability of trinkets and material goods, and maybe because of that, we walk through life with a certain sense of blithe entitlement. We are fundamentally decent, though -- peace-loving and compassionate. We struggle to know the right thing and to do it. And we are, the overwhelming majority of us, people of faith, believers in a just and loving God.

Some people -- you, perhaps -- think that any or all of this makes us weak. You're mistaken. We are not weak. Indeed, we are strong in ways that cannot be measured by arsenals.

IN PAIN

Yes, we're in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isn't a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isn't the plot development from a Tom Clancy novel. Both in terms of the awful scope of their ambition and the probable final death toll, your attacks are likely to go down as the worst acts of terrorism in the history of the United States and, probably, the history of the world. You've bloodied us as we have never been bloodied before.

But there's a gulf of difference between making us bloody and making us fall. This is the lesson Japan was taught to its bitter sorrow the last time anyone hit us this hard, the last time anyone brought us such abrupt and monumental pain. When roused, we are righteous in our outrage, terrible in our force. When provoked by this level of barbarism, we will bear any suffering, pay any cost, go to any length, in the pursuit of justice.

I tell you this without fear of contradiction. I know my people, as you, I think, do not. What I know reassures me. It also causes me to tremble with dread of the future.

In the days to come, there will be recrimination and accusation, fingers pointing to determine whose failure allowed this to happen and what can be done to prevent it from happening again. There will be heightened security, misguided talk of revoking basic freedoms. We'll go forward from this moment sobered, chastened, sad. But determined, too. Unimaginably determined.

THE STEEL IN US

You see, the steel in us is not always readily apparent. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is put on hold.

As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish.

So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us? It occurs to me that maybe you just wanted us to know the depths of your hatred. If that's the case, consider the message received. And take this message in exchange: You don't know my people. You don't know what we're capable of. You don't know what you just started.

But you're about to learn.

*

I'm going back and forth and back and forth, all day, all night I've been. because just when I think I've kicked it I can see that plane, the second one, you know? And it came from RIGHT OVER MY HEAD, right over Brooklyn. you know? little pacifist me, with the war fetish, me with the dreams about war.

and when there's nothing else, I worry about anthrax and smallpox and ebola. Because who the fuck knows. I can't deal with crazies who don't deal. It's out of my lexicon, and it makes it very hard for me to get any real mental lock on what's happening. Because it seems so insane, so unfathomable, how the fuck do you fight an enemy that's nto afraid to die?

but as for America? hell yeah. if the way New York is pulling together is any evidence, we're doing one kick-ass job. And if you asked me a week ago, I'd have given the grudging guilty liberal answer about greedy capitalists and a pompous leaderless nation. But today? HELL yeah, I'm a patriot.

Because I swear to god if I wasn't able to feel like my country was taking care of me or if I had to believe my country was stupid or weak or wrong, I swear to god, there's no way I'd make it through this.

6:29 Thursday, EDT

So, you know, all sorts of people are missing. I mean, like, friends of my father. Friends of the family friends we had dinner with last night. My sister's friend's father's business partner. My neighbor's son-in-law. The guys who designed the movie theatre in the town next to me. Cousins of friends, friends of cousins. Some "tall girl" my sister knew who worked at Borders. My friend's aunt's boss. you know, vague sort of tangential people -- but the universe around me and my family is now smaller by 4,000.

Lizzie said, "Nora and I decided we need to do this without any more loss of life." I said, "I agree." She said, "what do you mean, yesterday you wanted to bomb the crap out of everyone." I said, "I changed my mind." I mean, I don't know if I'm done yet. changing my mind. I'm not sure I can decide that before they know if the 1/9 subway line is safe, before the bridges reopen, before we get names for those numbers and those 6,000 body bags. Before I know just how downtown I can go to get a Kate Spade knockoff.

I don't know, I don't know, I don't claim to know anything. I liked the Swarthmore editorial T posted. But I like the calls to arms too, the rushes on flag & banner stores. the rallying around the blood drives. I'm just. not ready to be cynical yet. Not ready to not accept blindly that I will be taken care of, the way Giuliani's pulling together for New York.

the same way I need to know someone's checking to see if the 1/9 line is safe, the same way I need to know they have more information on the hijackers, on the bomb threat to the Empire State Building. that these people are smarter than me. more well-informed. they've got cooler heads. because, you know, I'm a democrat, I believe in big government. A liberal but not libertarian these days, I'm ready to hand over some personal freedoms to the folks responsible for me and my well-being.

and do I hate the fact that it's this quack in office? yes yes yes yes yes, but don't make me think about that, don't make me deal with that, I'll break down. Do I trust Cheney and Condaleeza Rice? oh, don't make me deal with that, just let me believe in some blind brilliant war room full of Martin Sheen and John Spencer and like minds who are solving these problems and learning and sparing me.

at least until the bridge reopens and I don't feel tacky reading classifieds again, and I can go down to canal street for taht Kate Spade knockoff, and I can live my life. And then I'll have the luxury of being smart and being righteous and being scared. you know? I'm just too scared to deal with that now.

but the wind shifted again, and the smoke's going out to sea. So I can go downtown, if I'm not too scared to take the 4/5/6.

Stupid me.