on breezy, sarcastic, socks-wearing days

Ten signs you're reading a story by Sab:

10. People are fat and/or ugly and/or awkward.
9. And sort of hate each other or are deeply envious of one another and therefore mock one another relentlessly.
8. But are miserable and lonely and filled with self-loathing and therefore must rely on one another.
7. People spend more time beating themselves up for doing things than they spend actually doing anything.
6. Unless we're in space, in which case fat, ugly evil people are simply misunderstood (and miserable and lonely and filled with self-loathing) and will sabotage something or punch someone and then leave in a huff and hope that they'll be missed.
5. All sex is blowjobs. During which people often try to talk and/or grin wickedly.
4. Everyone, even evil warlords, hides their insecurity with humor and sarcasm.
3. Someone is undoubtedly woozy or nauseous, and if we're lucky, someone vomits and/or considers vomiting.
2. The POV character never knows what he's doing, and often finds himself in a sprawling embarassing (and/or galactic-war-causing) mess.
1. In the best case scenario, a story by Sab is then saved from the pits of senseless bitter irony and an overuse of fat, nauseous, socks-wearing losers by the divine editorial ministrations of one runpunkrun who reminds us that humans are not all vomitous freaks, and our boy is vindicated, gets his man, surrenders to the possibility of humanity not totally sucking after all, and it is another working day in Canada space the Internet.