fade out, fade in

[sab]

Feeling a bit like Hawkeye today.

or perhaps it's just because I shelled out $15 for a panel on gay journalists in sports, and I am none of those things. Still, it was interesting, it was funny, it was smart, and Shana bought me a marvelous dinner. Making Shana altogether marvelous.

Fade out, Fade in. Out goes Trapper John, in comes BJ Hunnicut. Out goes Shana, in September, in comes G.

Jo and I watched Abyssinia, Henry together and didn't even know it. And that seems just about right.

Lieutenant Colonel
Henry Blake's plane
was shot down
over the sea of Japan.
It spun in.

There were no survivors.

SKL called. The world tries to tell me why I don't love LA, why I don't miss LA, why I belong in New York, why I'm home.

I DO love LA. I DO miss LA. I miss SKL because we hadn't lived in the same city since we were two years old, and then we fell into it in LA and it was just how everything was meant to be.

I spoke in a "we," -- Jesse gets mad. "That's Bradley Whitford, we love him." "Stop with the royal we," he says, but it's not royal. It's me and SKL, because that's how we were. In LA, which I don't miss, which I don't love.

G and I talked about this, about moving and leaving, getting broody. Getting pathetic and apathetic. Shutting down for safety.

My friend Liza, old friend since we were six, which seems new to me because with SKL we were TWO, we weren't SENTIENT and we knew -- Liza's back from the Peace Corps and she loves me and I kicked her out of my house yesterday, because I didn't know what to do with her.

Things fall apart. G O O D B Y E written in stones, and the chopper takes off.

or perhaps it's because I've gone crazy.

I still have to fastforward through the bit with the chicken, in Goodbye Farewell and Amen. I don't like the feeling -- no, that's not it. I just prefer lying. I don't like knowing. I like OTHER people knowing. I want the MASTER PLAN. I don't want secrets.

Welcome to Korea, Hawkeye says, and twenty minutes later they're battling the shot-up kids on the side of the road, and BJ's on his knees, retching.

Out goes LA, in comes NY. Out goes SKL, Liza, youth. In comes -- what's this, now?

Beats me.

We'll make Jo move to New York. We'll REMEMBER.

I miss my old friends, I miss my old face, I miss my old mind, fuck this time and place whoaaaaaaaaa

"Do you see anything good coming out of this war?" The Interview asks.

"Yeah. Me. Alive."

Comments

[appelsini.livejournal.com]

my darling one,

and here's the thing. I was trying, after I watched the ep that we simultaneously watches, trying to get some grand sketch, and came up with the idea that everything I need to know in life is from MASH. That Henry dies, and Trap goes home, and Hawkeye freaks out towards the end cos, you know, what the hell is he going to do now?

And so, you know, I've been going through this thing of my best friends moving away la de dah, except that Trapper left, and he never got to say goodbye, and then BJ came, and they all left, and Hawk still went on the bus with the baby. And. And. There's still this woman who comes and rips his heart out cos, you know, he's the master complicator. You see what I'm saying?

Little things about the show are blowing me away at the moment. Because it's perfect, and it may have been the first show with a laughter track, but when Margaret and Hawk play scrabble and talk percentages, it still breaks my heart.

So. I'm thinking that they were there, and they didn't want to be, but they did the thing, they played glove volleyball, they played golf, they tried to order the craziness, because it's all you can go. And, and, New York will be the same for you. You know that you moved, and why you moved, and that doesn't mean that Crab Apple Cove has to be any less to you. It just means it's not where you are.

I love you loads, darling, always.

J.