five things: three things

[sab]

More in the continuing story of lists of five. In no particular order:

For mydwynter

Five Books The Doctor Started, Never Finished, And Now Wishes He Had

1. Anna Karenina. He'd been spoilt for the ending since long before Tolstoy had even put pen to paper to write the thing, but he could never quite get why a renaissance woman like Anna, with the riches of St. Petersburg at her disposal, and the love of three powerful and dynamic men, would throw herself under a train. Some day he would take the time to read past page thirty and find out.

2. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. He was in his fifth regeneration when the book came out in hardback and he'd thought not a thing of it, until he remembered visiting London as his third regeneration when the first movie'd hit the cinemas, and he recalled it being somewhat of a big deal. After the war, in his ninth regeneration, he cracked it open again. Kids' stuff, he thought, and gave his first edition to Mickey Smith.

3. The Velveteen Rabbit. His clothbound edition still lived somewhere in the Tardis library, a present from Sarah Jane Smith shortly after his fifth regeneration. "It's dreadfully sad," she'd said. "And quite lovely as well. But dreadfully, dreadfully sad." The Doctor hadn't yet been in the mood for dreadfully sad, and on the days when he missed Sarah, or Harry, or K-9, or his fifth self, he found he wanted to read it even less.

4. Bridget Jones' Diary. A delightful romp, so he was savoring it. One chapter per thwarting of intergalactic war.

5. My Life, all twelve volumes, penned by Giacomo Casanova. He'd picked up the edition some years ago in seventeenth century Venice, but rather than read it, he'd simply gone to sixteenth century Paris and spent two fevered weeks dancing in the wake of the Chevalier du Sein-Gault. The French knew how to party then, and haven't forgotten.



For marinwood

Five Things Hawkeye Pierce Secretly Liked About Ferret Fa- I Mean, Frank Burns

1. Frank, by which he meant Frank's wife, had superb taste in aftershave. The aftershave she bought for Frank always tasted superb after it had been through the still.

2. You could always tell when Frank painted Margaret's toenails; the big toe had teethmarks in it.

3. For a doctor, Frank was a hell of a flyswatter.

4. When Trapper brought home a business girl from Rosie's, you could always count on Frank to suss out whether she had Communist ties and if she was carrying any extra pairs of stockings she'd be willing to part with at a sizeable medical discount.

5. Frank Burns would go down in history as the famed thermometer by which one gauged the temperature of Margaret Houlihan's hot lips.



For notpoetry

Five Insults Cox Has Been Saving For A Re-hea-heally Special Occasion, Just Waiting To Use Them On JD

1. Buffy: The Patient Slayer

2. Xena, Whorier Princess

3. Little Miss Training Bra And My-First-Underpants

4. Julie Delpy Dorian, here from France for gender reassignment.

5. Tiffi, the gal who trades a blowjob for the autograph of the guy who parks the car for the guy whose job it is to keep Hugh Jackman's seat warm at X-Men Conventions.



For thevaliumsofalj

Five Things Mac Never Told Sue White

1. Tits: ten. Gams: ten. Mouth: extremely fuckable. Overall: run for your life, this bitch is fucking looney tunes.

2. Yes, he has had sex with Boyce. Everyone in the hospital has had sex with Boyce, except for Sue White. Boyce doesn't think it's a big deal. When asked, he just shrugs and says, "she's not my type?" Mac often wonders about a world where Alan Statham's a more attractive conquest than Sue White, except when he's in Sue White's office and she's wearing a toucan beak and crushing his bollocks with a steel-toed boot, and then he thinks he can sort of see where Boyce is coming from.

3. Yes, he has had sex with Guy. Guy has threatened to neuter Mac if word gets out. Mac has told everyone except Sue White, and so far, no one has found reason to spread the story. In fact, most people rush off to vomit or splash themselves with Clorox or stab themselves in the eye after hearing about it.

4. No, he has not had sex with Joanna Clore. Sue White thinks he has, for reasons Mac doesn't fully understand, but the exit strategy is marvelous. "Joanna's inner thigh..." Mac will muse, and Sue will stand, and point, and oust him from her office, sometimes for days at a time.

5. Yes, he kissed Caroline. Everyone has kissed Caroline, including Sue White, and Sue White likes to recount the experience, in great detail and with visual cues, whenever Mac comes by the office. In her right-hand desk drawer she's fashioned Mac, Caroline, and Sue White dolls from marzipan and bricks of cheese, all set to a soundtrack from Queen. Sometimes Mac tries to contribute: "Yeah, Caroline's great, isn't she?" But that's when Sue White opens her left-hand desk drawer, the one with the cattle prod and the butterfly net and the aerosolized snow, and that's when Mac has to go home early for the day and bathe in epsom salts and drink till he passes out.



And now, in the pursuit of fame, fortune, and not having to live out of my car, the next couple hours are for working on scripts, and then, later, if I'm moved to, you'll get more lists from the awesome stack of prompts I have sitting here in NoteTab.

LOVE,
SAB

Comments

[likethesun2.livejournal.com]

You could always tell when Frank painted Margaret's toenails; the big toe had teethmarks in it.

Xena, Whorier Princess

You are so fabulous it PAINS me. Thank goodness for you and your sitcom love.