it was another working day in Canada
May. 9th, 2002 05:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabends are for...what? Because we can feel them, rhythmically [BFL, BFL]. They punch in a way openers don't. I'm better at endings, though sometimes they come along at inopportune times. In a perfect world?
the reader pauses, hand on mouse. Doesn't click away. Doesn't let go, yet. Savors. feels her heart beat. Smiles, or not. Shivers, or not. For a second, before she shakes her head and reenters the world.
For that reason, I think endings should come about five seconds too early. So the reader scrolls a little, looking for the rest. Mouse clicks at the bottom of the page, and then that heartbeat thing.
In other words, we're still searching for the best BFL ever, though PV and I do have pages and pages of outtakes worth. These below are my favorites of mine - can't say about the heartbeat or the scrolling, of course. But.
Closing lines, courtesy of Big Finish Larry (not to be confused with Big Finnish Larry, the pale-eyed blond bouncer with biceps the size of watermelons and a fisherman's sweater Jo once removed with her teeth, but that's another story):
X-Files
My favorite closer ever. And still the story itself is unimpressive, but I've tried to crib this last line for everything I've written since. From "Everybody Having a Good Time."
It was another working day in Canada.
I'm also fond of the ending for "Body Parts." It's such a strange little story with shoes and potato chips and pocket change. I keep forgetting I wrote it. But it's got this nifty little closer:
They're always somewhere, separately. Alone they dwell on the way
they've grown, faces changed for the miles and years. Together they
fit, complement, step in time, step in time. Together the standards
change. Separately they linger, pretending they don't feel the
difference in the space of their bodies when they part.
And look at how triumphant this is, from "Rain and the Mistaken Messiah." Maybe out of character, and so oddly triumphant for Sab, but kinda nice?
"I love you," she said. And whirling on her heel, leaving him in the
doorway grinning stupidly, brilliantly, beautifully, she went home.
Embarrassingly triumphant, actually. can't you hear the rimshot? *g*
West Wing
I tried a thing, in "Coming Back from the War" where I quit midsentence. Because it was supposed to be about momentum picking up, and also about writing. Dunno if it worked, but *I* liked it. The last line of that story:
"Hey, Bonnie!" Sam said, waving both hands. "Write this down --"
So, a secret. "VC-25A" is in CJpov, though very few people know that. *g* Punk and I like to joke that 3rd-O is "CJ pov," because that's about what it amounted too. Still, when we started the story, we knew it would all take place in one room (didn't we? or did I make that up? I know we made up the room...) and we knew it would end when CJ left. Therefore:
And then she left too.
Badum-bump.
Speaking of tooooo BFL-y, the end of "Out Here in the Fields" was me going a bit overboard. It's, like, the jazz hands! of Big Finishes. Sort of fits the mood, I guess, but it's a bit too swelly for my taste:
Because these guys are his friends again. And the Governor's gonna get Hoynes,
and the campaign, with all the magic of a ninth-inning rally, is back on its feet.
And they're gonna take this show on the road.
Annnnnd, the curtain goes down! See. *g*
Sports Night
And sometimes the last line is like a punchline, right? which is also embarrassing, like when you know you've built up to that last line, here's the payoff, crowd-pleaser. Still, I swear to god, I didn't realize this until I got to the end of Euskadi Six Hour. I swear! Ask Punk.
Later, he would learn that Dan had gone off to meet and fuck a woman named
Roberta Bernstein, who would grow up into Bobbi Bernstein and pinch-hit on
Sports Night. He'd learn that Dan couldn't remember any of it, except vaguely that
he'd had a drunken night in France.
And that was fine with Casey, all of it, the fact that Dan didn't remember that
drunken tumble long ago. And the fact that Casey'd left it behind too, even though
he'd had one hell of a time. It was all in the past, and it was all okay.
Because Casey had never been to France.
And, um, dude? what the hell was I talking about when I thought the end of R&MM was too triumphant for me? ALL my last lines are triumphant. I think I'm hooked on ending on these notes of false hope. Check this out, we'll call this the
Notes of False Hope Montage
Some last lines:
He was Casey McCall. He'd beaten the Cut Man. So fuck 'em all. Bring it on.
from "Pretty Life." because I wasn't sure if it was clear enough that Casey was lying to himself. Was it?
In the dark parts of his brain, the sun comes up over the beach, seashells washed up from the surf and all the sand bleached white after the rainstorm. Harvey's deep in his paperback, and Crichton walks along the coast and lets the cold salty water bite at his ankles. Aeryn's there too, red bikini and a pulse pistol at her side and she splashes him with seawater and sand, laughs as she tackles him to the ground.
from "A new device is being tested," Farscape. Crichton, lying to himself. Hmmm.
Ndube grinned. He'd been waiting for that. "Scorpius," he said, and he liked the taste of his new name on his tongue. And then he left, because he had work to do.
from "Rolling," Farscape. Scorpius and his note of false hope. banging head on desk. I'm so fucking predictable!
No, she thinks. I belong right here, landing perfect marks and sleeping with the professor. Interning with the top xenomedical facility in Saulas. They don't all think so -- she looks at her classmates, they squirm and sneeze -- but Reva Calloram Dibbuk Jennai knows, and that's all that matters. She knows economics, she knows what currency will buy. And she's got plenty of it.
from the Jool vignette. ah, MAN.
She has made a home for them somewhere, and every morning when the sun rises he will see her face and it will make sense. And at night, when the stars are out, he will not sleep alone.
from "Home," ST:VOY. Fuck me. I'm gonna cry. Poor Chakotay, though.
I will drink water at the bar, and watch as Ivanova and Garibaldi exchange curses about Nightwatch. Perhaps Vir will come down. I'll buy him a drink. And then I'll go to sleep, because tomorrow is the first day after, and there's work to do, and I am here to serve Delenn.
from "All Love is Unrequited," B5. Okay, these ALL look the same.
Why didn't you TELL MEEEEEEEE?
I need a drink. seriously. I'm gonna go home. And drink. Heavily. Fuck me, it looks like I *did* crib from it all along!
and it was another working day in Canada.
the reader pauses, hand on mouse. Doesn't click away. Doesn't let go, yet. Savors. feels her heart beat. Smiles, or not. Shivers, or not. For a second, before she shakes her head and reenters the world.
For that reason, I think endings should come about five seconds too early. So the reader scrolls a little, looking for the rest. Mouse clicks at the bottom of the page, and then that heartbeat thing.
In other words, we're still searching for the best BFL ever, though PV and I do have pages and pages of outtakes worth. These below are my favorites of mine - can't say about the heartbeat or the scrolling, of course. But.
Closing lines, courtesy of Big Finish Larry (not to be confused with Big Finnish Larry, the pale-eyed blond bouncer with biceps the size of watermelons and a fisherman's sweater Jo once removed with her teeth, but that's another story):
X-Files
My favorite closer ever. And still the story itself is unimpressive, but I've tried to crib this last line for everything I've written since. From "Everybody Having a Good Time."
It was another working day in Canada.
I'm also fond of the ending for "Body Parts." It's such a strange little story with shoes and potato chips and pocket change. I keep forgetting I wrote it. But it's got this nifty little closer:
They're always somewhere, separately. Alone they dwell on the way
they've grown, faces changed for the miles and years. Together they
fit, complement, step in time, step in time. Together the standards
change. Separately they linger, pretending they don't feel the
difference in the space of their bodies when they part.
And look at how triumphant this is, from "Rain and the Mistaken Messiah." Maybe out of character, and so oddly triumphant for Sab, but kinda nice?
"I love you," she said. And whirling on her heel, leaving him in the
doorway grinning stupidly, brilliantly, beautifully, she went home.
Embarrassingly triumphant, actually. can't you hear the rimshot? *g*
West Wing
I tried a thing, in "Coming Back from the War" where I quit midsentence. Because it was supposed to be about momentum picking up, and also about writing. Dunno if it worked, but *I* liked it. The last line of that story:
"Hey, Bonnie!" Sam said, waving both hands. "Write this down --"
So, a secret. "VC-25A" is in CJpov, though very few people know that. *g* Punk and I like to joke that 3rd-O is "CJ pov," because that's about what it amounted too. Still, when we started the story, we knew it would all take place in one room (didn't we? or did I make that up? I know we made up the room...) and we knew it would end when CJ left. Therefore:
And then she left too.
Badum-bump.
Speaking of tooooo BFL-y, the end of "Out Here in the Fields" was me going a bit overboard. It's, like, the jazz hands! of Big Finishes. Sort of fits the mood, I guess, but it's a bit too swelly for my taste:
Because these guys are his friends again. And the Governor's gonna get Hoynes,
and the campaign, with all the magic of a ninth-inning rally, is back on its feet.
And they're gonna take this show on the road.
Annnnnd, the curtain goes down! See. *g*
Sports Night
And sometimes the last line is like a punchline, right? which is also embarrassing, like when you know you've built up to that last line, here's the payoff, crowd-pleaser. Still, I swear to god, I didn't realize this until I got to the end of Euskadi Six Hour. I swear! Ask Punk.
Later, he would learn that Dan had gone off to meet and fuck a woman named
Roberta Bernstein, who would grow up into Bobbi Bernstein and pinch-hit on
Sports Night. He'd learn that Dan couldn't remember any of it, except vaguely that
he'd had a drunken night in France.
And that was fine with Casey, all of it, the fact that Dan didn't remember that
drunken tumble long ago. And the fact that Casey'd left it behind too, even though
he'd had one hell of a time. It was all in the past, and it was all okay.
Because Casey had never been to France.
And, um, dude? what the hell was I talking about when I thought the end of R&MM was too triumphant for me? ALL my last lines are triumphant. I think I'm hooked on ending on these notes of false hope. Check this out, we'll call this the
Notes of False Hope Montage
Some last lines:
He was Casey McCall. He'd beaten the Cut Man. So fuck 'em all. Bring it on.
from "Pretty Life." because I wasn't sure if it was clear enough that Casey was lying to himself. Was it?
In the dark parts of his brain, the sun comes up over the beach, seashells washed up from the surf and all the sand bleached white after the rainstorm. Harvey's deep in his paperback, and Crichton walks along the coast and lets the cold salty water bite at his ankles. Aeryn's there too, red bikini and a pulse pistol at her side and she splashes him with seawater and sand, laughs as she tackles him to the ground.
from "A new device is being tested," Farscape. Crichton, lying to himself. Hmmm.
Ndube grinned. He'd been waiting for that. "Scorpius," he said, and he liked the taste of his new name on his tongue. And then he left, because he had work to do.
from "Rolling," Farscape. Scorpius and his note of false hope. banging head on desk. I'm so fucking predictable!
No, she thinks. I belong right here, landing perfect marks and sleeping with the professor. Interning with the top xenomedical facility in Saulas. They don't all think so -- she looks at her classmates, they squirm and sneeze -- but Reva Calloram Dibbuk Jennai knows, and that's all that matters. She knows economics, she knows what currency will buy. And she's got plenty of it.
from the Jool vignette. ah, MAN.
She has made a home for them somewhere, and every morning when the sun rises he will see her face and it will make sense. And at night, when the stars are out, he will not sleep alone.
from "Home," ST:VOY. Fuck me. I'm gonna cry. Poor Chakotay, though.
I will drink water at the bar, and watch as Ivanova and Garibaldi exchange curses about Nightwatch. Perhaps Vir will come down. I'll buy him a drink. And then I'll go to sleep, because tomorrow is the first day after, and there's work to do, and I am here to serve Delenn.
from "All Love is Unrequited," B5. Okay, these ALL look the same.
Why didn't you TELL MEEEEEEEE?
I need a drink. seriously. I'm gonna go home. And drink. Heavily. Fuck me, it looks like I *did* crib from it all along!
and it was another working day in Canada.
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no subject
Date: 2002-05-09 03:21 pm (UTC)Still, it's pretty damned funny that I've been in fandom six years and have apparently written the same thing every time.
no subject
Date: 2002-05-09 04:07 pm (UTC)still laughing...