(no subject)

[sab]

Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome is a real thing. I just. I can't deal with trying to overcome it and trying to defend myself and trying to handle people who laugh in my face and say "buck up, just get over it!" because, swear to god, babe, that doesn't help a lick.

The sleep doctor yesterday said that trying to retrain my body to adjust to a daytime sleep cycle, after 27 years of conditioning, is like trying to change the pattern of my heartbeat. But I am TRYING.

DSPS -- I want to find, like, a twelve-step kind of support group in the LA area.

I hate hating myself because of this. I hate it. It's ruining my relationships, my career, my life. And I am trying so hard and it's just. Ah, god.

I tried to call the sleep clinic to talk to my shrink because I was so upset. But they close at 4:30, highly ironic for a center catering to DSPS patients, no?

They say with other diseases, like alcoholism, you have to hit bottom before you can recover. Cf., relationship issues, job issues. Miserable and broke. I have HIT BOTTOM.

To the naysayers out there: JESUS H. CHRIST, IF IT WAS AS SIMPLE AS JUST "GOING TO BED EARLIER" DON'T YOU THINK I'D HAVE FIXED IT WHEN IT WAS FLUNKING ME OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL? COLLEGE? LOSING ME JOBS? DO YOU THINK I ENJOY LYING AWAKE *EXHAUSTED* AND MISERABLE ALL NIGHT? DO YOU THINK I *TRY* TO SLEEP THROUGH MY ALARM?

I am so miserable; I am so angry at the world, at myself, I could spit. I'm Julianne Moore in Safe. It's a disease, goddamn it, and that's not an excuse for my behaviour but I'm fucking tired of apologizing for my very EXISTANCE, sick of apologizing just for being WHO I AM.

I want. So badly. To fix this.

ETA: prowler323, talk to me about support groups, will you? I don't know a thing.

Comments

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I wish I had more concrete suggestions for you... but a support group sounds like it might be a good idea.

Ask the sleep clinic if there's a national 1.800 number for nights when you're in crisis. Who knows, it might exist...

*wishes you well*

[sweet-adora.livejournal.com]

em i think i have that too ._. so does my sister and mom...

[cazling.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{{E}}}}}}}}}}}

:(

[ropo.livejournal.com]

Well, tell me what you find out, okay? And hugs to you, because I know how much it sucks. And it's 2:49am as I write this. *g*

[teanna.livejournal.com]

You should never have to apologize. When I went into nursing, I decided I'd never work another morning ever again, and despite bosses and coworkers trying from time to time to change me I've held to it. Because my body knows what I need, not my boss. That people who don't live nine to five can't talk to their shrinks in this day and age is just crap - today we don't need the fucking sun to go about our jobs.

Maybe you can "fix" it but even if you can't people should effing stop talking about when you should go to bed. I'll kick some for you if you want.

[lenadances.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetheart. ::hugs tight:: Good luck. Seriously.

And I agree: that clinic not being open after 4:30 PM is the weirdest thing in the world. Good God.

[se-parsons.livejournal.com]

Hey, your sleep disorder page has a link to MY sleep disorder page. RLS.

Dude, if people don't believe this is a real thing, I will use my restless legs to kick them in the ass for you.

It sucks SO BAD to not be able to sleep when you need to. Anybody who has experienced this problem for a long time can sympathise. I have just sort of given up on the sleeping and mostly operate at a constant deficit these days. That's not the way to be. See if you can't get yourself fixed and then give the rest of us advice. I'd love to sleep more than 5 hours a night.

I also don't understand why the clinic isn't open when you need it.

[jood.livejournal.com]

I can't deal with trying to overcome it and trying to defend myself and trying to handle people who laugh in my face and say "buck up, just get over it!" because, swear to god, babe, that doesn't help a lick.

No it sure don't. I got that for nearly three decades myself. I'm so glad you're going to a sleep disorders clinic, because ours here work wonders. (So strange about the 4:30 thing. They don't have overnight testing suites/labs?)

I found a couple of lists of links for some support groups and chat rooms. Maybe one of them can help:
http://www.geocities.com/timfultz/Pages/css/links.htm
http://www.insomniacure.com/sleeplinks.html

[coolredwyne.livejournal.com]

I am sorry.

I can't say anything about your disease, except I hope it gets better. But as one who has spent years getting odd looks about my migraines and being told it is all in my head - I completely understand the desire to knock the shit out of someone for it.

Only you know your body and the shit it puts you through.

I find that some people have no clue. Other want to help so badly that they speak without thinking, but their heart is in the right place. And you will always have people who think that it is just a joke. Sleep disorders, migraines, depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome the fact you can't x-ray it and say - look here it is - right there. People have a hard time wrapping their arms around it.

Be well, I hope it gets better for you soon.