we took the wrong train to kingdom come
Sep. 8th, 2001 01:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabConey Island.
the brooklyn cyclones beat the staten island yankees, 8-4 I think it was, and shana got a soft red sweatshirt.
I won a dog in the ticket-arcade horse race, the skee-ball kind where you shoot for points and a tin horse hops along a mechanized track, and I won.
my sister came along, missed her train back from Grand Central and went to shana's to sleep, because shana's got a bed and space and I don't.
space.
I have these space issues, that and there's just no nice way to say "look, I just need to be alone right now." and a lot of people say that and a lot of people think it, but it might be something else with me, something where I need to spend enough time in my head to make it through the day.
where I say, at midnight, "I have to go home now, because I want to be in bed before 6 am" and thinking, six hours, minus a good half hour on the train, that's just five hours awake by myself, that's not enough, I need more alone time, more unwind time.
I envy folks who fall asleep the minute their heads hit the pillow. folks who can share a bed and get sleep, folks who can party all night and come home and shut down without thinking about it. If I'm out till 3 am, the night's a write-off, because six hours of unwind time later it's 9 am and the sun's up, and the birds, and the garbage trucks are long gone and I might as well have coffee.
so I had to tell Lizzie she couldn't come home with me, which of course I didn't mean, of course I'll always take care of her, she's my sister. but what I meant was "it's been a long week of being social, talking to people, interacting. I was looking forward to not interacting, and my house is a mess. Please don't make me interact, right now."
an 18 year old kid somewhere went a year without speaking; they celebrated his anniversary yesterday. I saw it on the news.
and I thought, I could do that. I thought, would they pay me for it? I thought, I didn't know anyone was asking.
so Lizzie's staying with Shana, and she knows I love her, and Shana does too. and we had a hell of a time tonight.
and I love my space, and I love my sister and my friends, and oh world, that has such creatures in it, all fucked-up and looking out for one another.
and they all say to me, it's okay, when you're rich and famous, you'll owe us one.
I owe a whole hell of a lot. buddies. thank you.
the brooklyn cyclones beat the staten island yankees, 8-4 I think it was, and shana got a soft red sweatshirt.
I won a dog in the ticket-arcade horse race, the skee-ball kind where you shoot for points and a tin horse hops along a mechanized track, and I won.
my sister came along, missed her train back from Grand Central and went to shana's to sleep, because shana's got a bed and space and I don't.
space.
I have these space issues, that and there's just no nice way to say "look, I just need to be alone right now." and a lot of people say that and a lot of people think it, but it might be something else with me, something where I need to spend enough time in my head to make it through the day.
where I say, at midnight, "I have to go home now, because I want to be in bed before 6 am" and thinking, six hours, minus a good half hour on the train, that's just five hours awake by myself, that's not enough, I need more alone time, more unwind time.
I envy folks who fall asleep the minute their heads hit the pillow. folks who can share a bed and get sleep, folks who can party all night and come home and shut down without thinking about it. If I'm out till 3 am, the night's a write-off, because six hours of unwind time later it's 9 am and the sun's up, and the birds, and the garbage trucks are long gone and I might as well have coffee.
so I had to tell Lizzie she couldn't come home with me, which of course I didn't mean, of course I'll always take care of her, she's my sister. but what I meant was "it's been a long week of being social, talking to people, interacting. I was looking forward to not interacting, and my house is a mess. Please don't make me interact, right now."
an 18 year old kid somewhere went a year without speaking; they celebrated his anniversary yesterday. I saw it on the news.
and I thought, I could do that. I thought, would they pay me for it? I thought, I didn't know anyone was asking.
so Lizzie's staying with Shana, and she knows I love her, and Shana does too. and we had a hell of a time tonight.
and I love my space, and I love my sister and my friends, and oh world, that has such creatures in it, all fucked-up and looking out for one another.
and they all say to me, it's okay, when you're rich and famous, you'll owe us one.
I owe a whole hell of a lot. buddies. thank you.
