postcard from PTSD

[sab]

So I'm okay. And it's really only because I've got you guys to lean on, too. this is something like: open letter to folks reading this livejournal. Which is weird. But I want to make sure you know I'm okay, I'm dealing, largely due to the fact that Shana hasn't left my side for two days, Jae's been calling and checking in, and we're watching a lot of movie musicals. keeping busy. And I went to the hospital, and the doc gave me Benadryl for the psychosomatic hives, and Ativan for everything else. And I'm calling the real shrink tomorrow.

Because Jae said, "we get better." And for a while there I wasn't sure, but for now I'm just not letting myself think about it, and instead trying to do other things. "Move on," like they say in all the folk songs.

not ready to face my fears head-on, just yet, but I'm not feeling dysfunctional anymore. I can move through the day, with you guys around me. That's a step.

And I want to offer my shoulder to anyone else who's scared, everyone who's scared and wants a kindred ear.

Because that sign I read at Columbus Circle said "we are not alone, fellow new yorkers" and, hell yeah. Not to mention fellow Californians, Canadians, Australians, kids in Kansas and Jerusalem.

And I still have gut-splitting admiration and envy for everyone strong enough to take a stand, everyone being brave enough to take care of the rest of us. and fuck it all, I'll stop whining soon and do that myself. and it sucks that I couldn't do it sooner, and it sucks that I can't be a support structure to everyone who's letting me lean on them.

But, you know. I believe in therapy. And Jae said, "we get better." and I'm all for that.

Brighid, Punk, Connie, Laura Ellen, Kate, Maren, Shana, Helen, Maggie, Viridian, Melymbrosia, mel, Lorrie, george, Jess, all the Mango folks and the YV folks, people I know, people I don't know, people who hardly know me but STILL came to check and wrote to offer support, and love, and tell me that you were scared too -- I owe you one rescue.

Comments

cool.

[ropo.livejournal.com]

Yay for feeling functional. I'm all for it. Yay for friends and pills and therapy and whatever gets you through the night, I say.

heya!

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

Have a hug!

They're free. = )

yours,
B

all I have

[cofax7]

to give you is a cyber-hug and a few words. So that's what you get.

You *do* get better.

we do get better.

[mischa.livejournal.com]

just wanted to say i love you, girl. :)

xoxo

[qowf.livejournal.com]

You know, I've been thinking about you a lot.

I think about helping you during the writing of "Everybody Having a good time" and remembering how blithely we discussed how to make it worse, how to make it more horrible than it was. Little did we know we didn't have to and I find it interesting in a car-crash viewing sort of way that it didn't take apocalypse to make us understand that.

Chin up, m'dear. This will pass. Or, it won't. I know that's not much of a comfort, but to misquote my Neil Gaiman, "You get what everyone else gets, you get a lifetime." Since this is all we know we have, let us not crouch like Mulder did and quit. Let's go forward.

It's all we have, except each other. Did you read that guardian article? That sums it up. Love is our defiance. It is the only adequate protection we have because in the end, it's all that matters.

Much love to you.

with much love & happy new year.

[quasiradiant.livejournal.com]

emily - i've been thinking about you all the time, and i know that everybody who's ever had any sort of brief contact with you is thinking of you, too. someday, i'll take you out, buy you a meal, and remind you that you're incredible.

l'shanah tovah, for whatever it's worth.
LE