the big chill

[sab]

I'm not leaving, not yet anyway. I still need to put things in order, to figure out these crazy brains. and I'm not going anywhere until I go down to Jersey to see G. and Helen too. and I'm not going anywhere until I see all the doctors, and figure out my income, and I'm not going anywhere until I get to make these decisions, as Jae says, in daylight.

I'm just scared, that's all. all I am, right now, is scared.

you know that thing? that party game, what groups do you identify with most? and I used to say "smart people" first, and then maybe "jewish people" and then maybe "New Yorkers" or "women" or "democrats" or "hollywood types." "Fans," I'd say. "media junkies." "artists," I'd say.

"scared," I say now. card-carrying member of scared.

when Jo went to buy tickets to travel here this winter they said, "we'll see" and they said "traveling to the United States is unadvisable." the way they used to tell us not to go to Israel, or Belfast, or Cuba. hot zones, they'd say, warzones. Places of unsafe.

I really never thought I'd see the day when Here was a place of unsafe.

Comments

[pene.livejournal.com]

come here. and we'll see if it's different here than there. it might be. I just don't know. but you'll be here. which will be perfect.

[noelleleithe.livejournal.com]

I'm scared, too, and I'm nowhere near as close to all this as you are.

I'm scared enough that I've packed a survival kit in my backpack and am carrying it around in the trunk of my car.

It makes me feel a little better.

I say do whatever you need to do to feel a little better.

[furies.livejournal.com]

i'm still scared. so are tons of people. one of my professors stops in the middle of her lecture everytime a plane passes. another was too freaked out to come to class on monday. i haven't been able to read in days, and there's still this incredible urge to stop, drop and hide everytime i hear a loud noise.

it's healthy to be scared, sometimes. they always used to tell me when i fell off my horse that they would be worried if i wasn't scared. but being scared doesn't mean being paralyzed. and you'd be amazed at what you can do even when you are scared.