five things: four things
Sep. 2nd, 2006 07:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabFor every page of this Bones script I write, I get to write another list. To wit, to woo:
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tangleofthorns
Five People At Dunder-Mifflin Who Might Have What It Takes To Survive In A Day After Tomorrow Type Scenario, According To Dwight Schrute
1. Stanley's people are accustomed to adversity, because of his ancestors' journey across the ocean on the slave ship Amistad. That kind of screening process ensured that those who made it to the American shores were the strongest and fittest of the lot, and were therefore genetically selected to spawn.
2. Angela, unlike most people at Dunder-Mifflin, has what it takes to make the tough decisions. The real decisions. Like if we had to decide whether to eat Kelly or Margaret, for example, Angela could be trusted to make an informed decision based on the needs of the group at large and the facts available. Like maybe Kelly's hypoglycemic or has syphilis. Angela would find out.
3. Pam. She's a receptionist, so, not terribly intelligent, but she would be useful for breeding purposes when it came time to repopulate the Earth.
4. Jan, see Pam, above. And with Michael we would have a King, and it's only right that every King should have his Queen.
5. Michael Scott, who would be crowned King of the new regime. Michael's a lot like Dennis Quaid, and with Dwight's assistance (Dwight would be the one who survived, not the dumb one who fell through the roof of that mall) he would lead them in their trek up snowbound New Jersey. Plus, Michael knows New York City better than any of the rest of them.
Forannavtree
Five Things Sally Pretends Not to Like But Really Does Like
1. Lesbian pornography. This fact is shocking for two reasons, the other being that it is the juiciest secret Patrick has ever been privvy to and not told a single soul about.
2. Steve and Susan. They're perfect. They're perfect together. They'll have perfect children and then they'll die, perfectly, and be buried in perfect coffins and their perfect children will come and visit their perfect graves and leave perfect flowers. And Sally will have the satisfaction of knowing that she outlived them both, and that her facelifts were so expertly done as to be undetectable.
3. Stout. Triple the fat and calories of white wine, however.
4. Her neck. Well, not her neck, per se, but her shoulders, that bit where her neck meets her torso. Not her shoulders, specifically, they're too round and too suggestive of flabby old-lady arms. And not the top part of her neck, where her double-chin and chicken waddle skulk, waiting for opportunities for sabotage. But that bit where her collarbone dips to the hollow of her throat is so sexy Sally sometimes sits in front of her mirror with her robe open and her mouth open, just sort of stroking herself.
5. Patrick. She's going to marry him some day.
For_abulafia
Top Five Times J.D. Wished He Were a Girl
1. Girls Drink Free! Night at the hipster bar on Century Boulevard. Apple-tinis are sixteen bucks, otherwise.
2. Any given game of shirts versus skins, unless he's been aerobicizing or playing Dance Dance Revolution at least four times a week.
3. The day freshman year when Turk set out to lose his virginity and bought a drink and tried a kiss with every girl in their dorm.
4. The day sophomore year when Turk did lose his virginity to huge-knockers-but-weird-teeth Lynette, instead of someone nicer who wouldn't make fun of their collection of Spinal Tap cassettes.
5. Their first week at Sacred Heart when Turk saw Carla and said, "dude, that's the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with," and JD didn't say, I thought that was me.
Fortxvoodoo
Five Times Jim Had To Bite His Tongue To Keep From Saying Something
1. Just this morning, when he went into the men's room and passed Meredith coming out of the men's room zipping up her pants and swiping her hand across her mouth.
2. Just this morning in the parking lot when he overheard Dwight saying to Oscar, about the attractive Latin American man who dropped Oscar off in front of the building, "is that your new chauffeur? Private drivers are for pansies too afraid to tackle the thrill of the road. You'll learn."
3. Just this morning, when Roy walked Pam to her desk and kissed her goodbye and reminded her to pick up toilet paper, and beer, and a plasma-screen TV, and a hundred and thirty-six hot wings, and then reminded her again about the toilet paper and told her she probably ought to pick herself up some earplugs, because they'd be playing Halo kinda loud, kinda late.
4. Just this morning, when Michael said, "so, opening weekend at Great Adventure! Sometimes I feel like going to the school yard and picking myself out a ten-year-old boy to take with me to the waterslide park, don't you?"
5. Just this morning, when Pam said, "did I miss anything when I was out Friday?" and Jim didn't say, "me."
Apres moi, le deluge! After me comes the flood!
For
tangleofthorns Five People At Dunder-Mifflin Who Might Have What It Takes To Survive In A Day After Tomorrow Type Scenario, According To Dwight Schrute
1. Stanley's people are accustomed to adversity, because of his ancestors' journey across the ocean on the slave ship Amistad. That kind of screening process ensured that those who made it to the American shores were the strongest and fittest of the lot, and were therefore genetically selected to spawn.
2. Angela, unlike most people at Dunder-Mifflin, has what it takes to make the tough decisions. The real decisions. Like if we had to decide whether to eat Kelly or Margaret, for example, Angela could be trusted to make an informed decision based on the needs of the group at large and the facts available. Like maybe Kelly's hypoglycemic or has syphilis. Angela would find out.
3. Pam. She's a receptionist, so, not terribly intelligent, but she would be useful for breeding purposes when it came time to repopulate the Earth.
4. Jan, see Pam, above. And with Michael we would have a King, and it's only right that every King should have his Queen.
5. Michael Scott, who would be crowned King of the new regime. Michael's a lot like Dennis Quaid, and with Dwight's assistance (Dwight would be the one who survived, not the dumb one who fell through the roof of that mall) he would lead them in their trek up snowbound New Jersey. Plus, Michael knows New York City better than any of the rest of them.
For
annavtree Five Things Sally Pretends Not to Like But Really Does Like
1. Lesbian pornography. This fact is shocking for two reasons, the other being that it is the juiciest secret Patrick has ever been privvy to and not told a single soul about.
2. Steve and Susan. They're perfect. They're perfect together. They'll have perfect children and then they'll die, perfectly, and be buried in perfect coffins and their perfect children will come and visit their perfect graves and leave perfect flowers. And Sally will have the satisfaction of knowing that she outlived them both, and that her facelifts were so expertly done as to be undetectable.
3. Stout. Triple the fat and calories of white wine, however.
4. Her neck. Well, not her neck, per se, but her shoulders, that bit where her neck meets her torso. Not her shoulders, specifically, they're too round and too suggestive of flabby old-lady arms. And not the top part of her neck, where her double-chin and chicken waddle skulk, waiting for opportunities for sabotage. But that bit where her collarbone dips to the hollow of her throat is so sexy Sally sometimes sits in front of her mirror with her robe open and her mouth open, just sort of stroking herself.
5. Patrick. She's going to marry him some day.
For
_abulafia Top Five Times J.D. Wished He Were a Girl
1. Girls Drink Free! Night at the hipster bar on Century Boulevard. Apple-tinis are sixteen bucks, otherwise.
2. Any given game of shirts versus skins, unless he's been aerobicizing or playing Dance Dance Revolution at least four times a week.
3. The day freshman year when Turk set out to lose his virginity and bought a drink and tried a kiss with every girl in their dorm.
4. The day sophomore year when Turk did lose his virginity to huge-knockers-but-weird-teeth Lynette, instead of someone nicer who wouldn't make fun of their collection of Spinal Tap cassettes.
5. Their first week at Sacred Heart when Turk saw Carla and said, "dude, that's the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with," and JD didn't say, I thought that was me.
For
txvoodoo Five Times Jim Had To Bite His Tongue To Keep From Saying Something
1. Just this morning, when he went into the men's room and passed Meredith coming out of the men's room zipping up her pants and swiping her hand across her mouth.
2. Just this morning in the parking lot when he overheard Dwight saying to Oscar, about the attractive Latin American man who dropped Oscar off in front of the building, "is that your new chauffeur? Private drivers are for pansies too afraid to tackle the thrill of the road. You'll learn."
3. Just this morning, when Roy walked Pam to her desk and kissed her goodbye and reminded her to pick up toilet paper, and beer, and a plasma-screen TV, and a hundred and thirty-six hot wings, and then reminded her again about the toilet paper and told her she probably ought to pick herself up some earplugs, because they'd be playing Halo kinda loud, kinda late.
4. Just this morning, when Michael said, "so, opening weekend at Great Adventure! Sometimes I feel like going to the school yard and picking myself out a ten-year-old boy to take with me to the waterslide park, don't you?"
5. Just this morning, when Pam said, "did I miss anything when I was out Friday?" and Jim didn't say, "me."
Apres moi, le deluge! After me comes the flood!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 02:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:21 am (UTC)*stands and applauds, interspersing with bounces*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:42 am (UTC)Their first week at Sacred Heart when Turk saw Carla and said, "dude, that's the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with," and JD didn't say, I thought that was me.
This made me just a little sniffly.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 04:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-04 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-05 03:37 am (UTC)1. Stanley's people are accustomed to adversity, because of his ancestors' journey across the ocean on the slave ship Amistad. That kind of screening process ensured that those who made it to the American shores were the strongest and fittest of the lot, and were therefore genetically selected to spawn.
THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. Glorious.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-06 12:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-07 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-08 08:19 am (UTC)