sab

as it turns out, I want all of Babylon 5 on VHS. Or DVD, that would be fine too. if you're out there, and you have these things, you ought to dub them for me. I will trade Aeryn's firstborn child -- speaking of which: read Pene's I Give You More Lives Than I Can Count. Even if you don't know Farscape. even if you don't care. Because it's beautiful, and perfect, and you will. Things about women, and love.

Because I'm thinking of this thing. I thought about it before. Jae will jump on it, I know, because I've read her stuff about Delenn. we'll talk more.

This thing, about Delenn, and Sheridan -- and Lennier too. this thing about being Chosen, about being the One. Together.

I mean, what's real life next to that? what's war next to that? And why, out here, does no one ever tell us that love brings peace?

I mean, seriously. How lucky are they?

(Tapes. DVDs. I have six episodes from season 2 and five episodes from season 3. Plus the Earth War twoparter. Not enough. Not enough. Really.)

oh- and. Come this weekend, I move back in with my parents. Into the basement, no less, in case we ever thought I wasn't a geek. I need to save money, squirrel away several grand so I can move, this summer, back to LA.

I'm taking steps. Watch me take steps.

And then, Tuesday (tuesday, G?) -- surgery.

Could be worse. Mom'll feed me chipped ice and pudding. and I'll watch B5 on Dad's DVD player. And I'll have Hawkeye and Edith.

And somewhere, in there, the kernels of this post-War Without End AU, with Delenn, and Sheridan, and Lennier, and this weird sort of mislaid love that stands between reality and victory. (but only if you fake it.)

And if I were Lennier -- yeah, maybe I'd have done it too. joined the Rangers. betrayed them all. Because where is this peace they kept advertising? this "terrible, terrible price"? Or was it just an excuse, like every other excuse, to bring together the One who Is and the One Who Will Be?

or is that what the war was about?

(anyway, while I was waiting, I wrote this. first attempt at making sense of Lennier. Because, you know, Bill Mumy has the same birthday as I do.)

I found my first shrink in LA over the phone, because my notes -- in the margin, next to the list of all the Jewish women in Beverly Hills (made that from my insurance book) -- I'd written, "strange accent. Sounds like Delenn."