Caroline was a pretty bird...
Feb. 27th, 2002 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabOkay. /rubs hands together
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
The hard questions, Part I
Date: 2002-02-28 02:41 am (UTC)/me bangs head on desk
I'm trying to find an answer for you in the context of the story. My problem is that I don't subscribe to the idea that John was deluding himself the whole time, that he really stepped onto that carrier thinking he would get wormholes, dead Scorpy, Aeryn and Everything Would Be All Right. I think he didn't really care by that point. Poor guy couldn't tell his left from his right anymore. No sense of direction. His reactions in IYYY are testament of that. Plain flat affect. He doesn't have a *center* (be it Aeryn, or wormholes, or Earth).
I mean, what kind of a plan was that? 'Find the erase button?!' He's had stupid plans before, but they were usually a bit more elaborate. It says a lot to me that he was considering plan C five minutes after stepping onto the carrier. And the fact that Aeryn let him get away with such sloppy strategy tells of lot about *her*. They don't even have an escape route, for the love of God.
TBC
Re: The hard questions, Part I
Date: 2002-02-28 03:06 am (UTC)Oh, no, me neither. Honestly -- I think he partly wanted an excuse to get close to the wormhole data (he's missed it since it was forceably ripped from his bran), partly wanted to live up to the dead John, and partly did, genuinely, think he was Just Crazy Enough to nip the Scorpy threat in the butt. ("When my friends are threatened, I'm infamous for making really stupid moves.") But he had no clue what to expect when he got there -- he just wanted to see. He's a leap-in-first, ask-questions-once-you're-someone's-prisoner kind of guy anyway. *g*
And the fact that Aeryn let him get away with such sloppy strategy tells of lot about *her*. They don't even have an escape route, for the love of God.
Sweet Sam, YES. What was the deal? "I said I'd back you up and I will, but you have to make a decision?" What is going on in that pretty little head of hers? Either she's just totally exhausted and wants someone else to take the reins for a while (though when did she, ever, except maybe with Xhalax, and even then...) or she's head over heels in love with this guy, or she thinks they're all toast no matter what, she can't see beyond death and so she's not fussy one way or the other. (Lots to say about that last option...tabling that for now.)
But assuming John didn't have a plan, in true John style, I think it's fairly easy to see how he could be seduced by the work that Co-Kura, (Linfer), and his boy Scorpius are doing. Playing with the contents of his brain, so to speak, and this time they don't make him sit at the kiddie table. He gets unfettered access, and he's stoked.
But this is the core of the hard questions. (Ow! My head! Maaaaayannn! *g*) Lemme move on to part two of your whatsits, hang on...