Caroline was a pretty bird...
Feb. 27th, 2002 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabOkay. /rubs hands together
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
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no subject
Date: 2002-02-27 11:08 am (UTC)Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain.
And then 6 months of no Aeryn. Of, of, not-thinking-about-Aeryn, nope, cause the other guy's there, dammit, not-thinking-about-Aeryn, so fixating on the only other target he's allowed, the wormhole target, and the obsession bleeds into everything and we get the sniping and the adolescent behavior and the pissiness because T!John stole his life, dammit, got his gun and his girl and his coat and his hero's death and his wormholes and all he got was this lousy green shirt.
Yes. (That's where I start from. Change or die.)
In the show, though, Revenging Angel led me astray; I see John in 320-321 as having forgotten some of what he learned in Revenging Angel and Fractures. And then 320-321 change everything. Not for the better. Everything's broken now. The two targets are tainted -- the Other Guy got to Aeryn first, and broke her, and simultaneously proved that wormholes were the One Ring, not the Holy Grail.
Still think that Revenging Angel was less about revenge against D'Argo and all about rage at the Other Guy.
Um, can't I go home and write now? Argh.
no subject
Date: 2002-02-27 11:15 am (UTC)Exactly. Right on. Poor John! And I don't think we saw half the stewing that should have gone on.
Still think that Revenging Angel was less about revenge against D'Argo and all about rage at the Other Guy.
Totally. Because, otherwise, what the fuck? (And I still mostly say what the fuck to that episode, 44 minutes for a two second punchline, hmpf.)
But this John and his buddy Harvey, left alone for so long -- and then, what? Aeryn shows up, and has the audacity to look down on Crichton for not being the dead guy?
Yeah, poor John indeed.
Go home and write, Consuela! *g*
So not seeing it, well just a little bit on the edges,
Date: 2002-02-27 11:37 am (UTC)The boy doesn't talk about the things that really bother him, that really matter. He just doesn't. And he's talked about wormholes. A lot. And I don't think he gives a damn about Crais, at all. He just wants some silence. Aeryn and a picket fence. His friends. And yeah, sorry, can't erase 322 from my mind. But still. There's guilt, but there's guilt at not being able to choose. Between earth and the UT.
Basing it all on wormholes and love of science and Harvey is just taking x, in a + ... + x + y = z, and giving it a loading, giving it too much weight. Too much.
Wish I could make more sense, but I'm beat. Besides, I always make my points better in fic than in essays. Which, for an academic, sort of sucks. Although maybe that's why my supervisor says my thesis reads like a novel.
Maayan
Re: So not seeing it, well just a little bit on the edges,
Date: 2002-02-27 11:52 am (UTC)Oh, me too. I usually stop doing this sort of analysis when I'm writing fic, in fact. Because that's where I say it. I can talk about characters in Buffy and Angel and West Wing but I want to *write* Mulder and Scully and John and Aeryn. Show, not explain.
I'm on the fence about the guilt re: Crais, 320-321. Need to think about that more. I haven't had time to process the final 4 yet.
Must write, must write. Gah.
Forgot
Date: 2002-02-27 11:57 am (UTC)I'm happily reliquishing the FS Dark Fic Queen crown I got saddled with. You're so going to give this PG-13 fandom a heart attack. I can't wait. *g*
M.
Re: Forgot
Date: 2002-02-27 12:30 pm (UTC)And I'd appreciate any help you can give, even if it's just totally contrary ideas that get me thinking. Because you're pretty persuasive, m'dear.
THANKS.
Re: Forgot
Date: 2002-02-27 01:19 pm (UTC)Oh, you know and we know that the Farscape fandom has no idea how dark fic can get. They think you're dark because John's in pain in your stories, and you show it. They don't see how very very much worse things can get.
Fr'instance, much as I love The Eleventh Hour (and I do, and I'll send you real comments, I will), it's (to me) less dark and painful than Forced Perspective. Because Aeryn had a right to do what she did in TEH. It hurt him, but I believe she had the right to do it. With the same blindness, the same lack of insight, in FP she strikes much much deeper, carves a wound that will never heal.
Um, but, yeah. Dark is coming. And now I have to send Vonnie her tape so she can join the conversation. Heh.
Re: Forgot
Date: 2002-02-27 01:40 pm (UTC)Oh, yeah, you can say that again.
I almost felt the urge, in the beginning, to twist John until they screamed. But I didn't. Guess I was prescient. New Makiko was coming. *g*
M.
Re: Forgot
Date: 2002-02-27 02:51 pm (UTC)I twist John until he screams, and fractures. And then put him back together but some of the bits don't fit as well. But I doubt the fandom will be very upset since they get to take home the one I don't break.
This is going to be interesting.
no subject
Date: 2002-02-27 12:38 pm (UTC)I'm firmly convinced that JC has moments where the science, the physicality of that, it's his kind of magic. And these astounding wormholes, are beautiful and precise and he can nearly touch them with his fingers. Well, he has. And the other John's death is caught up in that.
Moreover I agree that this thinking is at times as enticing as Aeryn is.
Of course there are obvious similarities between say the rules of physics, the finality of physics and her background as a Peacekeeper. And that when you (JC) get close to either there's more than you can bear, in your brain. And when you free it to do its thing it turns into something not mathematical at all.
And maybe Aeryn, in all this, is less certain than you think. She is really only newly able to, uh, think on her own. Newly powerful with that. Not so much as far as right and wrong maybe, but as far as what is of value and beauty. (well, that's my Aeryn) So she is, in some sense, wide-eyed and a little unsure of herself but just so practised at maintaining the externals.
and I have far more thinking on that all wrapped in my head for when next we speak of grasshopper inkblots.
no subject
Date: 2002-02-27 05:50 pm (UTC)Is it that? I don't know that he ever sat himself down and thought it through. He probably thought he could have both, that he wouldn't be forced to choose. If Scorpy hadn't pressed the issue by threatening Earth, John might have come to a point where he would have had to choose between pursuing the wormholes and pursuing Aeryn. But the decision was made for him, like they usually are.
But he is a scientist, you know, and he had a wormhole in his hand, but it ended up being just a tool. Cause again, when Scorpy threatened Earth, he was reminded that scientific discoveries can turn into the atom bomb. He'd like to be that other little guy (whasshisname, the one he used the Aurora Chair on), but instead he's got to be John Crichton, infamous destroyer of things in the UCs. Blew up a Gammak base, a Shadow Depository, and now a PK Command Carrier. Not what he could have been. John Crichton, scientist. John Crichton, husband.
no subject
Date: 2002-02-28 01:29 am (UTC)Is that the breaking point? See, I've been trying to figure that out, whether it was Scorpy threatening Earth (remember, John still says he'll help after that one!) or whether it was later, when Crais sold them out and John realized he wasn't on Scorpy's side after all.
Because I totally agree. He absolutely does believe he can have the wormholes, and Aeryn, and Everything Will Be All Right. Until...when?
Because even with the uncertain element of Scorpius, there's still the certainty of physics ("It's Einstein's timetable! God, it's GOD'S timetable!") for John -- or at least the safety where the answers either come or don't come, and he doesn't have to make any decisions. While Aeryn needs a little more nurturing. Not that John minds nurturing her -- but I think he feels he can do that, and Einstein (or god) will drop wormholes in his lap while he's waiting.
Until...when?
Maayan, this is what I was asking you in the e-mail before, about the thing. Because it's too spread out in my story -- I need to figure out WHERE John decides Aeryn is the most important. Where's the click in his brain? Or what series of events brings that about?
The hard questions, Part I
Date: 2002-02-28 02:41 am (UTC)/me bangs head on desk
I'm trying to find an answer for you in the context of the story. My problem is that I don't subscribe to the idea that John was deluding himself the whole time, that he really stepped onto that carrier thinking he would get wormholes, dead Scorpy, Aeryn and Everything Would Be All Right. I think he didn't really care by that point. Poor guy couldn't tell his left from his right anymore. No sense of direction. His reactions in IYYY are testament of that. Plain flat affect. He doesn't have a *center* (be it Aeryn, or wormholes, or Earth).
I mean, what kind of a plan was that? 'Find the erase button?!' He's had stupid plans before, but they were usually a bit more elaborate. It says a lot to me that he was considering plan C five minutes after stepping onto the carrier. And the fact that Aeryn let him get away with such sloppy strategy tells of lot about *her*. They don't even have an escape route, for the love of God.
TBC
Re: The hard questions, Part I
Date: 2002-02-28 03:06 am (UTC)Oh, no, me neither. Honestly -- I think he partly wanted an excuse to get close to the wormhole data (he's missed it since it was forceably ripped from his bran), partly wanted to live up to the dead John, and partly did, genuinely, think he was Just Crazy Enough to nip the Scorpy threat in the butt. ("When my friends are threatened, I'm infamous for making really stupid moves.") But he had no clue what to expect when he got there -- he just wanted to see. He's a leap-in-first, ask-questions-once-you're-someone's-prisoner kind of guy anyway. *g*
And the fact that Aeryn let him get away with such sloppy strategy tells of lot about *her*. They don't even have an escape route, for the love of God.
Sweet Sam, YES. What was the deal? "I said I'd back you up and I will, but you have to make a decision?" What is going on in that pretty little head of hers? Either she's just totally exhausted and wants someone else to take the reins for a while (though when did she, ever, except maybe with Xhalax, and even then...) or she's head over heels in love with this guy, or she thinks they're all toast no matter what, she can't see beyond death and so she's not fussy one way or the other. (Lots to say about that last option...tabling that for now.)
But assuming John didn't have a plan, in true John style, I think it's fairly easy to see how he could be seduced by the work that Co-Kura, (Linfer), and his boy Scorpius are doing. Playing with the contents of his brain, so to speak, and this time they don't make him sit at the kiddie table. He gets unfettered access, and he's stoked.
But this is the core of the hard questions. (Ow! My head! Maaaaayannn! *g*) Lemme move on to part two of your whatsits, hang on...
The hard questions, Part II
Date: 2002-02-28 02:42 am (UTC)So John clings to wormholes there, for a little while, because he needs goals to function, he needs some grasp on the future, and wormholes are short-term, but it's something he can understand, and it's good because up to that point all he's been running on was fear. And he connects to Scorpy because... that's just what John does to survive. Connect. The others aren't available, but he has Co-Kura and Grasshopper. And he can thank Scorpy for threatening Earth and kicking his ass in gear, cutting through the numbness and the indecision.
And I agree with Nestra, it's never been all about wormholes. Sure they are a nice, shiny tool. But John says it himself: "It's not *just* about science. It's never just about science." So for a while there, he's completely lost, but he has wormholes, and he remembers the way he was before, he can be a scientist again, he can have a bit of that wonder and that *joy* of discovery, all the things the UT ripped away from him. But deep down he knows he is not that man anymore. He is a scientist, but Winona is strapped to his thigh. Scorpy shows him Earth, and John comes back to himself. He is his own kind of hero, perhaps not the same kind as the Other Guy, but his own kind, and he'll do whatever it takes, he'll make the hard choices. He isn't who he once was, and he sees Earth, and he realizes that the pieces don't fit anymore.
At the end there, with Aeryn, he knows that she is leaving him. He's lying to himself, but deep down, he knows, what he's always known -- because when the other guy said 'whatever it takes', he wasn't kidding -- all his dreams are fucked.
Maayan, who's rambling, and rambling...
Re: The hard questions, Part II
Date: 2002-02-28 03:12 am (UTC)Yup. So maybe it's just that I think that's more abiding than you do? Because it seems we agree on this. This isn't the whole of John's personality -- just the easiest thing to grasp in 320/321. So it's what I chose to focus on.
Problem I'm having is where that leaves room for Aeryn. Because, duh, it's not about going Home. I mean, not beyond the bit where John's deluded and clinging to that past thing.
Scorpy shows him Earth, and John comes back to himself. He is his own kind of hero, perhaps not the same kind as the Other Guy, but his own kind, and he'll do whatever it takes, he'll make the hard choices. He isn't who he once was, and he sees Earth, and he realizes that the pieces don't fit anymore.
Ah! Here it is. I don't think this John's a hero at all. I think this John has been looking for the easy outs, and he gets pushed the side when real people with real plans (!!) make real sacrifices. (Crichton says to Aeryn, after Crais presents the plan: "Tell me you believe him." She says, "do you have a plan to destroy the ship?" "Not yet.") I mean, honestly, what does this John do in 321? Aside from coincidentally get distracted by Scorpy and thereby distract Scorpy?
He doesn't do anything. Neither does Aeryn. And that, I think, is what leaves them both so broken after.
Re: The hard questions, Part II -A
Date: 2002-02-28 03:42 am (UTC)I'm sticking to that bit, because it's the real point of contention here. Hell, could be the Great Wall of China considering how much I can't even start to guess where that's coming from.
This John isn't a hero? I feel like we're back to the great TJohn vs MJohn debate. One all around successful and likable, the other just an annoying jerk.
If you don't think surrendering yourself to the guy who *tortured* you, surrounded by 50 000 people who want you dead is heroic, I don't know what is. John put that thing in motion, he didn't force anyone to come with him. That he is reaching the end of his rope and emotional exhaustion takes over,making him indecisive and sloppy, fine. But that's unrelated to his motives. He's just scared out of his mind, and fear makes it hard to think clearly. That doesn't taint his intent, that just makes him human. I don't equate fear with cowardice.
This John is the one who had to struggle, the one who got nothing, the one who was lost. Aeryn wasn't handed to him on a platter, wormholes weren't unlocked the easy way, and he's had to clean up someone else's mess. What more do you want from him?
(This word limit is driving me nuts...)
Re: The hard questions, Part II -A
Date: 2002-02-28 04:03 am (UTC)This John is the one who had to struggle, the one who got nothing, the one who was lost. Aeryn wasn't handed to him on a platter, wormholes weren't unlocked the easy way, and he's had to clean up someone else's mess. What more do you want from him?
I totally agree! This John has gotten nothing but the shaft since the day the ships split. Hell, he had to revert to cartoons to make sense of his addled mind.
Where we differ, I guess, is in interpreting how he reacts to it. I think he's retreated into himself, searching for things to cling to, a way to get to Aeryn, a way to make sense of his purpose out here in the UT. And he's casting about trying to find it. Jealous, a little dwarfed by the actions of the people around him -- but he just feels like he didn't get the opportunities. The other John got Aeryn easy, the wormholes easy, a hero's death easy. And this John can't, no matter how hard he tries. He fights with D'Argo just to have something to fight with.
Stark's mask comes and tells him, "here's your legacy, destroy wormhole technology." And he's not sure he wants to, certainly not just because the other John told him to. This John wants to judge for himself.
And he gets to the carrier and gets seduced by wormholes and Scorpius and research, and that's something that can be his alone, something the other John didn't have. And that's his victory.
If you don't think surrendering yourself to the guy who *tortured* you, surrounded by 50 000 people who want you dead is heroic, I don't know what is.
I don't! I think it's the only option left to him. I think he wants it to be heroic, but in truth it's actually something he wants to do. He's had Harvey in his head a long time. Scorpy's not just "the guy who tortured him." Scorpy's a big part of his life. I never saw any evidence he cared about the other people on the command carrier (Aeryn had to remind him they were there!) -- he came for the wormholes, wanted to feel 'em out, see where he stood. And then he tasted them and got hooked. Crawled inside the information from his brain and got hooked.
The easy out would be *not* to go after Scorpy. As a matter of fact, the real easy out for this guy would have been to kill himself. He didn't have any support, *none*. He didn't have his friends around him, and Aeryn, for all she contributed, could as well have not been there. He was on his own and he still came through. Just facing Scorpy was a sacrifice in itself. Anyone else would have frozen solid when confronted with their torturer.
Totally agree with this too -- except, 180 degrees removed. I think he's lost and alone and without support, and that's why he turns to Scorpius. Scorpy's the one doing the one thing John still understands. Aeryn is not there. She's no help.
Maybe the question is this: why do you think he went to the command carrier? I mean, do you think it was to protect the universe from wormhole weapons at all cost? Do you think it was a noble goal? Because I just don't see this John -- after all he's been through, so alone -- having that kind of altruism in him. Maybe it's a last-ditch attempt to do something worthwhile with his life -- but that comes from insecurity, jealousy, fear, as well. Which is where I keep trying to put him. In the shadow of all these things bigger than he is. And if now that -- why? For Aeryn? Because if that were the case, then still it would be in line with living up to the dead John.
I just don't see it. I can't imagine why else he would go. Except to see Scorpius, to see the wormhole technology, to see if he can do something, have something that's exclusively his. Something that's burrowed more deeply into his brain than Aeryn has, lately. Dunno. Can't see it any other way.
Re: The hard questions, Part II -A
Date: 2002-02-28 04:24 am (UTC)I do. I just do. And yeah, there's fear. There might even be jealousy, but like I said before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, you just give too much weight to one aspect of things. And if John went to the carrier, it was maybe, to live up to the other guy, it was, maybe, the call of wormholes, it was maybe to die alongside Aeryn, it was maybe a million other things. The equation has possibly a hundred variables and you can just take one out and look at it under the microscope, but that's still skewing your subject for the purpose of research.
And altruism is there, blaringly, in the way he treats his friends, in his scene with Pilot, in his empathy with Co-Kura, it's everywhere, because that kind of heroism is still heroism, and it's the one that matters. Not the big exploding heroism. The heroism of the day after, of facing up to the mess others left behind.
When John dreams, he doesn't dream of dying a hero and out-doing his alterego, although placed in similar circumstances he will do the same thing. He dreams of quiet and a simple life. But in the end he'll face up to the scarrans, because he can't have a quiet life if others have no life at all.
There was no anger or bitterness in IYYY. But yes, there was a lot of resignation and regret. I don't think we'll ever agree on this, but we knew that going in, didn't we? *g*
Re: The hard questions, Part whichever
Date: 2002-02-28 07:10 am (UTC)this is a John I can see, with his cowboy hero but not quite invested. With his lack of plan. the John that gets the girl and goes home.
But it's, obviously, not working out. and of course Crais dies. the other John dies and maybe it's still fiction. cause ... there's no other John. but Crais. and Talyn.
Re: The hard questions, Part whichever
Date: 2002-02-28 07:57 am (UTC)still. that's how I'd feel. in space.
Re: The hard questions, Part II -B
Date: 2002-02-28 03:43 am (UTC)'The easy outs?' This interpretation is so far removed from mine, I can't even wrap my mind around it. If there's someone who's never had it easy, it's him. The easy out would be *not* to go after Scorpy. As a matter of fact, the real easy out for this guy would have been to kill himself. He didn't have any support, *none*. He didn't have his friends around him, and Aeryn, for all she contributed, could as well have not been there. He was on his own and he still came through. Just facing Scorpy was a sacrifice in itself. Anyone else would have frozen solid when confronted with their torturer.
I realize I'm risking falling into the trap of 'John can do no wrong' by trying to make a counterpoint to you, but of course that's not what it's about. I'm just highlighting contradicting pov.
M.
Crais as martyr?
Date: 2002-02-28 11:04 pm (UTC)You wrote: Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really.
Do you really think protecting Aeryn and the rest of the universe from wormholes was Crais' major motivation? Because I'm not so sure. I mean, I think that was definitely part of it, but not necessarily the most compelling reason for his decision. And comparing the motivations behind the heroism shown by Crais (if any, that is) and both Johns is interesting. (I'm not going to actually *do* it right now, since I'm not on my own computer and must give up this one again shortly, but you guys should feel free *g*...).
Anyway, I do see a lot of mirroring between Crichton and Crais throughout the show--they've always been foils--including their deaths, but that's different than the characters having a close relationship and I'm not sure how close Crais and JohnM actually were. Like I remember thinking while reading "Not Dead" that I wasn't sure I could see Crais and JohnM bonding after "Fractures" to the point where they'd be having a conversation where Crais was telling JohnM which shirt of Aeryn's he (Crais, that is, not JohnT, which I might buy) always liked, or John's unequivocally telling Aeryn that Crais was his friend. Which makes it interesting to think that TJohn also "stole" MJohn's potential friendship with Crais as well as his relationship with Aeryn... and of course, he's also always been jealous of Crais for having parts of her that he'll never have, and that would include the time on Talyn because at least Crais got to be with them and he didn't. Although I'm not sure he would therefore also be jealous of Crais' death or perceive it as martyrdom, in any case. So yeah, guilt over Crais being dead and it being almost John's fault doesn't seem as much of a factor in John's mental state to me as I got the impression it did to you.
Cassandra