Caroline was a pretty bird...
Feb. 27th, 2002 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabOkay. /rubs hands together
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
Just as an opportunity to get it out, think aloud, bother you nice people with aimless cheers of characterization and non-said...
Crichton. Josh Lyman. Scully. Other people I've beaten to death and made me, though maybe not so much anymore.
I'm working on this long Mandy story, and she's nothing like me, but she's scraped together a personality for herself so far beyond anything Sorkin or Moira Kelly ever intended, begs that fanfic question again. but then, we talked x, y, z and battlefields. And Crichton, Crichton, Crichton.
Crichton. Two years a mission -- I'm just trying to get home. And I don't think it's left him, not all the way, despite what the opening credits say now. Two years chasing Scorpius, chasing his own tail. Scorpius and the wormholes becoming everything Crichton's reaching for -- very literally occupying all the space in his brain. Stupid Ancients. Wonderful Harvey. So yeah, he's in love with Aeryn, and yeah, he doesn't want, exclusively, to get home anymore. But even then, even between the almost-glances and the touches and the You Are Everythings, Harvey's still in his head, reminding him. The wormhole data is still there.
This boy lives for wormholes, and in 321 he gets his chance to waltz with one. And I think it's clear in the episode that the wormholes are more important to him than Aeryn, for a time. And he might pretend it's to help Scorpy in his revenge against the Scarrans, but that's not what it is. Not my boy. It's his wormhole knowledge, unlocked and pouring out, the holy grail. Maybe to get home. Maybe to blow shit up. Maybe to die in, like the other John. Maybe just to look at. Trophy wormholes. But this Crichton is tilting at Scarran windmills while Rome burns, or something, and he doesn't see Aeryn at all.
Until, until until until, Crais dies. I suspect. Because that's the second time someone close to Crichton lost his life to protect the universe from wormholes. Crichton's wormholes. To protect the universe from Crichton, really. And it's someone close to Aeryn, both times, and I think she's bright enough to see the wormholes in Crichton's eyes. Two people died to protect her from him. Martyrs, like she could never be.
So because of that, I think it's a long time coming before she can quite trust him again, and a long time before he'll be able to shake off the guilt and feel whole again. 322 be damned (and I haven't seen it anyway, but I know, I've heard) -- I feel like we're talking about a deeper Crichton here. Or maybe it's just me. But anyway.
He's got guilt, and because of that inadequacy -- two deaths on his watch and they're almost his fault. And she's got inadequacy, because John and Crais were able to stand up to this Crichton/to wormholes and die, and she's just a little bit too much in love with him to do it. And she hates herself for it. Tough for an ex-PK, tougher still for one whose already lost a Crichton she loved.
So you see, that's where I was coming from in Not Dead. Jealousy meets inadequacy, guilt meets rage, self-hatred meets itself head on. And underneath it all, this horrible abiding love that's ruining everything. For now.
Maybe I'll change my mind when I see 322. Maybe I'm all wet already. Dunno, can't tell, because this stupid John is living in my brain, like Harvey.
So convince me otherwise, will you?
Re: The hard questions, Part II -A
Date: 2002-02-28 04:24 am (UTC)I do. I just do. And yeah, there's fear. There might even be jealousy, but like I said before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, you just give too much weight to one aspect of things. And if John went to the carrier, it was maybe, to live up to the other guy, it was, maybe, the call of wormholes, it was maybe to die alongside Aeryn, it was maybe a million other things. The equation has possibly a hundred variables and you can just take one out and look at it under the microscope, but that's still skewing your subject for the purpose of research.
And altruism is there, blaringly, in the way he treats his friends, in his scene with Pilot, in his empathy with Co-Kura, it's everywhere, because that kind of heroism is still heroism, and it's the one that matters. Not the big exploding heroism. The heroism of the day after, of facing up to the mess others left behind.
When John dreams, he doesn't dream of dying a hero and out-doing his alterego, although placed in similar circumstances he will do the same thing. He dreams of quiet and a simple life. But in the end he'll face up to the scarrans, because he can't have a quiet life if others have no life at all.
There was no anger or bitterness in IYYY. But yes, there was a lot of resignation and regret. I don't think we'll ever agree on this, but we knew that going in, didn't we? *g*